I have otitis externa otherwise known as an outer ear infection. Or swimmers ear. However I didn’t need Abx, just some magic ointment. Well, technically they just referred to it as [name] ointment but I like to call it magic because it has an antibiotic, an anti fungal and a corticosteroid in it and it works super fast. Also calling it magic ointment is a lot easier to say that tri-adcortyl otic.

I stuck to my diet yesterday despite feeling lousy. Today not so much.

I’m not swimming today. And I must remember to buy some goddamn earplugs before i do swim next. Any ideas where to get them?

Today was the first time I have rung or been anywhere near the doctors since seeing the nurse last AUGUST!

I appear to be developing a cold.  Seems that my carer does know how to share after all…  Thanks and all that, it was nice of you to think of me.  But next time, keep it to yourself.  Please.

I am feeling mostly better.  Really I just need to build my energy stores back up.  It really scared me how ill I felt and how much I hurt.

And deal with codeine side effects if you know what I mean… the amount I took is well with the prescribed limits but given that I rarely take it, taking three full doses in 24 hours and didn’t keep much fluid down for a while had those tiny white pills going “side effects… side effects… I’m gonna give you side effects… muhahhaha” and, well, they are still resolving.

I think there must be a few viruses doing the rounds - out of five advisers this morning we had two of us who were getting over viruses and one who was also kinda out of sorts.

I think there will be lots of interesting (and in some cases, fun) developments soon.  But that’s a story for another day.  Or at least, another time.

I really would.

Only, ow, not a great idea right now.

I am a poorly sick crip right now.  I literally ache all over, my entire torso hurts (and ye olde pain meds are doing an “eh” job).  And I’ve been participating in pukefest 2008.  Hopefully that’s now over with but I do still hurt

Mum just dropped in to bring me a small portion of food.  She let herself in and found me in bed (actually the phone had woken me when she rang to say she was coming).

“OOOOh my poor poorly girl.” says she.

following that up with

“Get out of bed!  You won’t sleep tonight!”

And, that, my friends, is what my family consider sympathy.

You know how in 2006 and before that I struggled to take my medication and rarely did?

And how in 2007 I took every single dose I was supposed to.

Well, that med taking streak has been over for a while.  It stopped with a day when I thought I still had the pills to take but when a big part of me was going “uh, I think you already took them.” and that was fine, i just got confused and it was safer not to take them.  I took them the next day.

Only, I’ve not taken them for four or five days now and it’s second time (at least)  that I’ve gone that many days with no pills.

It really is no wonder that I feel like my weight is out of control, my house is a mess and i can’t cope with it, my spasticity is ridiculous, stupid things are making me either anxious or angry.

It’s really no wonder that I just feel out of control.

But, that said, I am thinking that the way forward for me might be for the drugs to be reduced and then slowly removed.  Because a big part of me now looks back and sees where I was and where I am now.  And thinks that maybe the problem with my struggling without them now is the guilt.  Is the knowing that I should have taken them and yet I haven’t.  I’m not really sure I need the drugs any more other than as a “mental comfort”/support thing.

It wouldn’t be the end of the world if it didn’t work.  There’ll always be prozac in the world if I need it.  But right now I think that maybe I don’t, any more.

Today is better still.

Things are calmer

And I am happier.

But my Mum is worrying that what I thought was first day of periodness is THE BUG.  So she didn’t come round as planned.
That’s the only real hitch from today

And it’s one I’ll take.

So long as she’s wrong.

I did it!!!

I missed NO medication in 2007!!!!!! 

Here’s to less medication (legitimately) in 2008!!!

Happy New Year!!!! 

And it’s only 1st October!  And it’s looked a lot like Christmas for about two weeks.  Christmas stuff every where in the shops - completely ridiculous.  It sort of makes me mad in a way and it makes me feel really old but I can’t help thinking that it wasn’t like this when I was young (”back in my day…”).  The end of October is more than early enough to start buying sweets and stuff (or even too early still). if I bought them now I would eat them.

But it’s not just shops - my mother brought the Christmas Cake yesterday.  On the last day of September.

In other news, I didn’t go to work today.  This is the first time this year when I maybe could have gone to work and didn’t.  Which is a good thing but also makes me feel bad that I stayed home.  Of course I knew I would sit there wishing I was home if I went.  So instead I stayed home worrying and thinking I should have gone.

I’m still in my PJ’s (with a jst fleece over the top) and I’ve been sleeping lots.  it’s all been rather lovely and I’m feeling better than I have since Thurs.  Currently trying to convince myself that I do not need to text my carer and get her to bring me chocolate and coke when she comes.  The lower number of the scales will be much nicer on Wednesday than the treats would be now, right?

I’ve done something to my back. ow ow hurty ow. And randomly my left side (including my arm weirdly) is super spastic and tight.

I said to my sister that I thought I’d put it out - I don’t think I actually have but I’ve definitely bruised it or something.

My back can get painful if I spend a long period of time in my wheelchair with no breaks and on Saturday between my wheelchair and the car I went fifteen hours with only a few loo breaks. NOT GOOD. But it couldn’t be avoided and it was loads of fun.

I would take that as the cost of having such a good day and be pleased and happy to do so.

But it’s more than that. Not only did I spend too much time in my chair on Saturday. I also fell out of the damn thing. Backwards.

Well maybe saying I fell OUT of the damn thing isn’t quite right.

There is a point at which you can’t right a wheelchair when you tip it. My parents were getting me over a step. It was a high one so my dad had the front and my mum the back. Wheelchair tips too far and hits the floor.

Result- Emma is still in the wheelchair but the wheelchair is tipped on it;s back and Emma’s legs are in the air. Emma is extremely grateful that her mum lost the “you must wear a dress” argument.

So yeah, I really don’t recommend that.

I do recommend heatpacks and codeine and baclofen however.

And more importantly I wish “up and over” steps were banned. Because they are seriously evil.

I figured out what I had the allergic reaction too. The hard way. I’ve been putting savlon on the reaction but substituted tea tree oil (I have a bottle which states it’s diluted and can be used on skin as is and which I’ve used on skin before) one time figuring they do the same thing (antiseptic). 40 mins later I gave up trying to sleep and on turning on the light was met with bright red, itchy, horribleness. Not fun but I guess at least my worries about that can now be put to rest.

I went to my parents house for dinner tonight. Roast Pork in the garden. Super yummy! I walked across the garden a couple of times holding someone’s arm. And when it was my Dad he commented that he thinks I’m walking much better since I lost weight and that he bets it’ll be even easier for me to walk when I’ve lost some more.

Thinking about it, my legs hurt to walk like they usually do and I was tired after like usual. But I didn’t get anywhere near as breathless (or not that I noticed) and I think I felt more balanced too. I wouldn’t want to walk further and I never will. But in a way it’s nice to think that on the odd occasion I do walk a little it could be a little easier.

I never really realised how unhealthy I was before with this and with depression and just generally. Then I get another reminder like this of how much healthier I am now and how well I am doing. It shocks me, but it reminds me.